Relief. That has been a new feeling I’ve been getting more comfortable fully identifying with. When I talk to people about my current situation, a common response is, “we’ll thank goodness you didn’t have a house.” Or “good thing you guys didn’t have kids!” And many more along the same lines.
Which I agree with wholeheartedly. It was a “clean” break in many ways. No lawyers, no sharing custody, none of that. But that doesn’t make what I’ve felt these last few months any easier. The emotional separation has weighed on me, kept me up at night, weaved its way into things that I never thought would trigger thoughts of him. The emotional unpacking of all this stupid baggage is far from over.
And yet, it dawned on me this week that I am relieved I did not end up in that relationship. For various reasons it was no longer serving me or allowing me to stretch to my full potential. I didn’t lose myself completely but I settled. I have so much more to give. I am deserving of so much more. I am worth so much more.
And I get to move forward in search of the things that fulfill what I’ve been looking for. I have this sensation in my gut that I’m on the brink of something. I’m skirting around something big and new and exciting and I’m finally allowing myself to lean in. Because what the fuck do I have to lose?
A few of you have graciously reached out to tell me that these posts have touched your life in some way. Whether you feel you can apply my stages of healing to a place that you’re currently at in life or just feel that something resonates with you, I hope when you read these posts that you think of yourself, reading the affirmations I present as ones that relate to you and are about you. It’s good to remind ourselves every once in a while how worth it we truly are.