Keep Ya Head Up

The act of comforting is an interesting interaction between people. Some people choose to give physical comfort like a great big hug, a light touch of the hand or a one-armed side squeeze. Others can’t physically be there so they comfort in other ways. One thing I’ve received lately is a good amount of, quotes, songs, books, movie and various other kinds of suggestions. The amount of comfort one can find in these beautiful expressions is a bit silly to me, they’re just things! But I have so enjoyed going through everyone’s suggestions and I do believe there’s something to these little forms of comfort.

One thing I’ve turned to for comfort is the familiar. When everything on the outside feels like it’s uncertain, unknown and kind of spiraling out of control it’s nice to have familiar books, movies and TV shows to turn to. <Insert me re-reading the Harry Potter series> Currently on book 1 book 2 and loving every second of it. It’s like I’m back with old friends and I get to escape to a completely different world. My cousin suggested I start listening to the podcast, Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. I’ve only recently started discovering the world of podcasts so her timing and suggestion were perfect. I’m obsessed. It’s such an interesting take on a book series that many of us love so much and you get to go chapter by chapter. I’m in heaven.

I’ve also been working on putting a playlist together of songs that have been resonating with me – currently on repeat is Tupac’s Keep Ya Head Up, Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys and a whole lotta Beyonce. Duh.

One thing I’ve been struggling with is wanting to comfort the one person that I shouldn’t be. But how do you turn that part of you off? You spend so many years being a source of comfort and support for someone and then suddenly you have to just stop? They’re hurting, too. I find myself wanting to reach out and take away the pain and say, it’s OK, look at me, I’m still standing, see? Everything will be alright. But I can’t. It’s not fair and I can no longer be that person that works through the hard times and things that life throws at you. I can no longer be your brainstorming partner, your cheerleader, or your best friend. And that is so hard to let go of.

I’ve been moving through a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve been angry a lot this week. I’m working on throwing myself into the things that I love so I don’t get too dragged down, but believe me, I am feeling all this anger and working through it. It hit me a lot later than I expected it to but I guess there’s no right way to go through healing and I know once I’ve moved through this part I’ll loop back and bounce around and it’ll come when it wants to.  I’m just going to keep my head up.