I know this may seem odd, but if I had to pick a favorite letter, symbol or punctuation mark it would absolutely be the ampersand. I’ve always been obsessed with writing it out and practicing it’s loopy form. The ampersand is also quite popular in the wedding world. It means me & him or her & I. It’s a symbol of unity and togetherness and represents the binding element that happens when you combine your life with someone else. I fully embraced this idea and had to hold myself back from buying a bunch of ampersand crap while wedding planning, but now I’m having to take a few steps back and reevaluate. The ampersand no longer represents me & him, it represents me &…what? I’m not really sure, but I’m starting to get a better idea.
The act of comforting is an interesting interaction between people. Some people choose to give physical comfort like a great big hug, a light touch of the hand or a one-armed side squeeze. Others can’t physically be there so they comfort in other ways. One thing I’ve received lately is a good amount of, quotes, songs, books, movie and various other kinds of suggestions. The amount of comfort one can find in these beautiful expressions is a bit silly to me, they’re just things! But I have so enjoyed going through everyone’s suggestions and I do believe there’s something to these little forms of comfort.
This past week I went back to the real world and started working again. I was lucky enough to take off a week of work when I was sorting through all of our belongings and trying to separate 6 years of life, by myself. Do you know how weird that feels? Taking apart years and memories and things that you thought you would use together forever or at least until they broke or wore out? It’s weird. And draining and to be honest, I’m not even sure what I threw in each bag or box and I kind of don’t care. I didn’t want a lot of our stuff that we had bought together. I think a new, fresh start will be just what I need.
How our lives can change in the blink of an eye. I had every intention of following up my last post with a happy update about enjoying the little things in life and taking it slow. However, the Sunday after my somewhat vague, but very real and very vulnerable post, my world as I knew it came to a halt. The planning, preparing and dreaming that I had been so busy and excited about didn’t matter anymore. This will not be a space where I bash or reveal intimate details of what went on but the important thing to know is that I will not be getting married in September. I am still confused, stunned and raw.
You know when you have a no good, rotten moment and it throws you off? Well, I had one of those last night and I just couldn’t bring myself to focus on writing a blog post. But I’m here. The morning came and I dragged my butt out of bed and got on with the day. I had one of those reality checks where you get caught up in thinking everything in life is perfect and dandy and you feel like you have your shit together and then BAM! Reality comes a knocking and says, “Ha, you thought you had this all figured out? Try again next time.” Because you know what? We will, we’ll keep trying and striving and living and doing and working our best to figure life out.